I have just received the annual review (well from November anyway) of my blog from WordPress and according to their ‘helper monkeys’ I am “fresher than ever”. After a week of solid drinking, I can assure you that I have definitely been fresher. They also state that I have uploaded 73 photos when it was more like 7 and are there not 52 weeks in a year as opposed to 73? Monkeys, you are here to supply us with something to test our cosmetics on and I suggest you stick to that. How can you expect to be good at statistics? You can’t do maths with perfume in your eyeballs silly!
Anyway, one of the statistics below states that the equivalent of three full 747s have read my blog. Now that is all well and good until you realise that the last plane I was on was an Easyjet flight from Ibiza so half the passengers couldn’t read and the other half had a mutated form of genital herpes mixed with leprosy.
I think what the helper monkeys are really trying to say is:
“2010 was a great year for you and your blog – if you like highly contagious, occasionally terminal venereal diseases which have been incubated within Easyjet-flying, bareback-riding, hair-extension chewing, pill-popping, skanky crack whores on a foam-party themed hen weekend…………..with their newborn children.”
Thank God I love all those things!
On a side note, one of my top 5 referring sites is google.de. Is that not German Google? Why are Germans reading my blog? Germans! Why are you reading my blog? Were you on that Easyjet flight? I don’t know what you want from me but if it’s what I’m thinking then forget it. We all know what happened the last time you tried that.
“The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a summary of its overall blog health:
The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Fresher than ever.
A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,400 times in 2010. That’s about 3 full 747s.
In 2010, there were 29 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 73 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 22mb. That’s about a picture per week.
The busiest day of the year was November 21st with 103 views. The most popular post that day was Why I Heart the Dart.
Where did they come from?
The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, WordPress Dashboard, mail.live.com, twitter.com, and google.de.
Some visitors came searching, mostly for the gaming tramp, gaming tramp, christmas cameltoe, decision points itunes, and christmas camel toe.
Attractions in 2010
These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.
Why I Heart the Dart November 2010
Scotland – Stop Growing on Me Like a Fungus December 2010
Heat Magazine – Shut the Hell Up December 2010
About me November 2010
Lisa’s Pieces – Mr Bison & the Bareback Sandwich December 2010